when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
