Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
4 words: hood of his car
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
