he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
