It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
