She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
