My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
