well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
