Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
