You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
