So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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