so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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