So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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