What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
