Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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