plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
