Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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