apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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