I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
