If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
