Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
