"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
