You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize