you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
