There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
