Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
