im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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