Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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