loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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