no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
