I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
