At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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