I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We left an ass print on the piano.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
