she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
