Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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