laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
