$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
