you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
