Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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