i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
