Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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