Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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