You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize