My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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