a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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