I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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