Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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