Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
