I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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