we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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