I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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