yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
