If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
