Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
