Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
