Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
