I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
