I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
be right there i have to get my cape
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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