sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
