apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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