i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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