True but thats because hes a fetus.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
