You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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