3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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