Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
