Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
