Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
