my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
