So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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