when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
