Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
