I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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